The health of any relationship varies by degrees in a number of areas. Ask yourself the following questions to help determine which areas of your relationship with your teenager could use more attention.

• On a scale of 1 to 10, where would you rank the feeling of love, warmth, and connection between you and your teen? Do you have a sense of whether you are growing closer or farther apart?
• How often does your teen lie to you? What is your teen’s level of openness versus secretiveness? What is the degree of trust between the two of you? Where is the level of congruence between what is said and what is done?
• Where do you rank the degree of stress, anger, and tension in the relationship? How healthy is the method of conflict resolution between you and your child?
• Are you and your teen isolated or communicative? How well do you listen to each other? Do you both have the ability to hear the words that are said as well as understand the feeling and intent?
• What is the level of defiance that your teenager demonstrates? How well does your teen cooperate and comply with explicit family rules and follow consequences? How well does your teen follow thru on responsibilities and adhere to your direction?
• What amount of time do you spend together? Is this amount acceptable to both of you?
• Are you motivated to support each other? To what degree does loyalty and respect exist between you and your teen?
• Are you familiar with the details of your teenager’s life? What was the last movie your teen saw? Do you know the name of your teen’s favorite band? Is your teen familiar with the details of your life? Does your child know what you wanted to be when you grew up and how you decided on your current career?
• How closely do you monitor your teenager’s whereabouts? Do you know where your teen is? Do you know whom they are with and what they are doing?

The more respect that is given, the more communication that occurs, and the more intimate information that is shared, the healthier your relationship diagnosis.

Richard B. Cohen LMFT, CCBT, CDVC